We Are All On Drugs
by Spock-Aid
Summary: Dumb short stories about the Inkheart characters.
1. On A Random Lake

**A Note: I have decide to repost this and other chapters because every once ina while I get the urge to write something stupid about this gang. So, it is purely for my amusement if you don't like it don't read it. Thank you.**

**At A Random Lake**-One boat seams to be the only one on the water currently. It is not one of those dorky row-powered, flat-bottomed fishers; it is Capricorn's boat. Let us take a moment to step back and observe this boat and the persons in and around it. Ahem, the boat is huge! By huge I mean it is a two-story, water-slide bearing, kitchen having, air-conditioned houseboat. Like I have stated before it is Capricorn's boat; it is red, all of it.

_Splash!!_

Oh look! Something is happening!

**At The Boat**-Rocky, a young black-haired, quite cute but air headed, black jacket is lounging in a chair on the deck of the boat. Despite the fact that there is an actual lounge chair a few feet away, he is sitting in a plastic purple lawn chair. (OK so not _everything _is red.) That lounge chair belongs to-

-And he's in the water! -Courtesy of Kat. She slaps her knees as he comes up spluttering, laughing at her first prank of many of the day.

I will finish my thought: Capricorn and nobody touches it but him. Thank you. Now we shall continue-

Kat is still laughing as Rocky, done with his empty threats, begins laughing too while, I might add, treading water. Kat never knew what was coming to her until she was in the water also. It was Capricorn's turn to laugh; one uncontrollable burst like a rusty hinge until he was back to normal. Though he couldn't help but smile and try to frown.

"Oh screw it!" He muttered to himself allowing the smile to show and quite an evil one.

Maybe I was wrong, it is Capricorn who is going to do the pranks here not Kat.

"I," He declares to himself though both Rocky and Kat hear full well. "Am going to have-" He stops. He can't bring himself to say it. His mouth is twisting, he clamps his eyes shut and tries to do the same to his ears. "Fun." He chokes out. The water bound pair's eyes are wide. Capricorn opens one eye and looks down at himself, just to make sure he's still the same evil son of a b- I'll stop there for common courtesy.

**In Capricorn's Scary Demented Head**- "Did we just say that?" "Yes we did." "Are we going to do this?" "I suppose so." "Am having an interior monologue with myself?" "Yup, we are."

**Back At The Boat**- Capricorn screams and jumps around like he expects someone to be behind him. There is laugher. He flinches. Looking down at Kat and Rocky clinging to the boat about to drown in their laughter he decides he shall never be scared-no no wrong word-_startled_ by the expression of 'turning over a new leaf'-

"Pfffffttt. Like that will ever happen." He straightens his jacket and turns to reenter the cabin of the boat through the sliding glass door.

No he does not smack straight into the door causing a nosebleed and has to be cooed over by Mortola the whole day. (As much as I may like too, _Sigh_, maybe later.)

He does however smack straight into-

"Damn it watch where you're going!" Marcie shouts at him. And surprisingly he steps aside to let her pass. Realizing who she has just yelled profanities at she stops and swallows and "Oh it's you -Uh I mean-" She grimaces twisting her entire face with it. Which, Capricorn thought, is a damn shame.

"Ehm, yes Marcie," See how easily he regains his composure as evil overlord of his own little society? "From now on keep your head up when you walk." She walked past and dove fluidly, fully clothed minus shoes, into the lake.

Making sure she was deeply engaged in her splashing match with Kat, He slumped against the door. She always walks with her head up, he thought longingly, like a queen.

And how fast he can dispose his dismal demeanor again?

Still slumped against the glass he spies Jesse another of his black jackets on the balcony just beside the slide. He scrambles into a standing position. He's going to jump, he thought just before-

"CANNONBALL!!!" Jesse screams and throws himself off the roof. Jesse hangs in mid air as we, as well as Capricorn, take time to observe our surroundings.

The boat, as said before, is anchored in the middle of a desolate and fog covered lake, completely alone. Other black jackets aboard the boat reside in dreamland, dreaming of fire and who knows what else. Until this point when Jesse yells they all are awake. Cockerell and Flatnose, Jesse's former roommates are arranged as so. Jesse and Cockerell had stolen the two beds in the tightly packed upper floor room leaving Flatnose, grumbling the whole time, to sleep on the floor. Basta and Rocky have the beds in another room while on the floor sleep Mizz an elderly stern but understanding maid, and Rose a young lazy and somewhat slutty maid. In the last room in the upper floor was Capricorn, in the bed and Kat and Marcie in a corner on sleeping bags.

Quite biased arrangements if you ask me. Now back to the action!

**Back at the Action**- Kat, Marcie, and Rocky stop and gape at Jesse, who instead of a cannonball seems to be doing a belly flop . . . from two stories up . . .

Capricorn rolls his eyes and strides self satisfyingly to his red armchair. Just as he sits down the action resumes and Jesse plummets to the water and with a, to Capricorn wonderfully sickening, slap (they hate each other) hits the water and floats there.

Capricorn sputters laughter, while Rocky guffaws, Kat snickers, and (to Capricorn's satisfaction) Marcie laughs openly. Jesse turns himself over groaning, his front already beat red.

"What the bloody 'ell is goin' on out 'ere?" Flatnose yells at no one in particular in his nasally voice.

Capricorn pastes his mask back on and without looking at him said, "Jesse just made his day a living hell."

He had, as we shall find out later but now to take a break and see how Mizz is getting along with the lazy pieces of s- all right that's enough.

Mizz may easily be mistook as Mortola though there are those little differences that only the wise and not blind will notice.

Ahem,

She has bright green eyes that you could swear glow. There is a particular incident to go along with this, which I shall introduce at a later time.

Her gray hair is long, down her back and is always kept in a low loose tail.

She wears navy blue jeans under her black dress. As do Kat and Marcie though not now.

"Basta? Rose? I declare you two are the laziest sacks uh trash I have ever had the displeasure to 'ev met."

4. She has a horrible southern American accent

Mizz stood bony hands on bony hips moving her eyes like a tennis ball in a match between the two dozers.

"Worse than Capricorn reeally."

That had done it. Basta shot up and had his knife pressed to her throat just as she said, "But Ah admit Capricorn 'as more use than ya'll two."

Basta heeled at the grudging compliment to his master. He sheathed his knife saying, "Good thing too, woman." It was a horrible comeback. He walked past her intending to, metaphorically of course, sit at his master's feet and see if he was thrown a bone.

"Stray mutt." Mizz mutters. She turns toward Rose. Her red hair is the only thing visible besides the sleeping bag she clings to.

Mizz pulls back her foot ready to kick her-

"OK! OK! I'm up I'm up!" Rose too shot up and was out the door and possibly down the stairs before Mizz could even get a good look at her.

"Gonna be one o' those days huh?" She again mutters to herself.

By 'one o' those days' she of course means the one where everyone was either terribly out of character or-

"On drugs."

Interrupting the narrator during a rant! Gosh Becky!

Mizz too goes down the spiral stair. Now we shall return to the outside where currently Jesse has decided to lie on the green flowered couch in the down stairs living room, easily viewed from the deck.

**On the deck**- Capricorn is sitting in his totally out of place red arm chair contemplating the fog. Does the fog mean the water is cold? He asks himself silently, or does it mean it's warm?

So entranced by this baffling question (Which I myself cannot understand. _Smack forehead._) He didn't see Marcie climb out of the water. Marcie had come up with an evil plot while staring at the fog too. (Evil people think alike don't they?) Watch Carefully.

She sits on him. All of the dripping wet shirt and shorts she is wearing along with herself is now dumped into Capricorn's lap.

He sputters as she giggles. "Now-What the?" She wrapped her arms around his head thoroughly soaking him.

As she hugged him she was totally unaware of the position she had put him in. He noticed but was too stunned to take advantage of this.

**In Capricorn's Still Demented But Now Distracted Head- **"Are we being hugged?" "Yes we are." "Am I looking at what I think I am?" . . . . . "Hello?"

**On The Deck-**What stuns and distracts him even more is how she doesn't get up! She just sat there like a cat on its favorite patch of sun. Her curly wet head is against his shoulder.

"You know you make a really good chair."

Capricorn sighs in contentment.

**Another Note: It is at a lake because my family goes to the lake and this is where I come up with a lot of these things. Strange settings befuddle the mind. I'm done you can go now.**


	2. The New Year's Incident

**A Note: This is such crap. I may take it of later, it bugs me. And I love stupid stuff like this. Oh well. If you didn't like/were sickened by/hospitalized by the first one do not read this one.**

**New Year's Eve About 11:47 Capricorn's Village: **"If one of those damn things is blown in my face again I'm going to cut someone's tongue off."

"Oh come on Capricorn." Rocky the perpetrator of the blowing-the-blower-thing-in-the-boss's- face says. "You know you wouldn't do it, you'd get Basta to." Rocky is drunk but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have said that sober; he's quite dumb.

Rocky smiles stupidly as Mizz dragges him away saying: "Oh Rocky I think Rose want to see you."

"Oh really." Capricorn covers his ears as Rocky's voice screeches.

The church is thronged with people the majority of them drunk or asleep. The racket is horrible and echoes off the walls. _I hate this holiday, _he thinks, _Not that I don't like a good excuse to drink but. . . _

He takes another gulp out of an emptying bottle of wine. _A little flat. _

Look! Do you see that in the not so far distance? Kat and Marcie are drunk too. On what you ask? Well if I told you that would give away the joke now wouldn't it?

They fall. Hard. Right at Capricorn's feet, like a present, from some. . . weird. . . person. **Santa? **No!

"Two drunk little girls how about that."

I can't believe Mizz let them drink. I mean come on she's like the most strict of all den-mothers if you like that name-if not well here's another one: wait I can't think of another one. Oh well.

"Yah know what Cap?" Marcie crawls up the last step and sits on the now vacant arm of Capricorn's chair. "Yer mean." She tells him and takes another swig of her cup, nearly choking on it.

**In Capricorn's scary little mind:** "What were we just told?" "It's true though." "So we should take it as a compliment?" . . . "I can't see you nodding!"

**Back to the future! Not really though:** "That's great." He says smiling at her almost pleasantly at her.

"I know." She has almost choked on her drink again before she says it.

"What is that crap?" Capricorn leans in trying to look in her cup.

Her and Kat, who has sat gagging at Capricorn's feet the whole time hock: "Vokka," Meaning of course Vodka: Don't ask. Before Kat blows chunks.

"Eh," Says Capricorn as he jerks his shiny shoes out of the way.

"Don't ever drink and drive." Kat announces just as she lays her head on the floor.

**Outside:**** "**Feel better now?" Marcie asks as Kat gulps chilly air.

Capricorn is trailing behind them trying to dislodge some invisible thing from the bottom of his shoe.

Kat doesn't answer instead she goes on with: "You obviously hold your liquor better than me."

Marcie rolls her eyes. "Yup."

"Bah!" Capricorn is obviously a little drunk as he thinks he can now become a slasher off of one of those movies he so diligently watches. (Tell you later. Long story. . . Maybe)

"What it wasn't scary?" Both the girls hadn't budged only feared for his sanity as they shook their heads.

"Happy New Year!" A shout comes from inside the church.

"That was half-ass." Capricorn says.

They both agree.

**The Next Morning:** Oh the hangovers.

Ding! Ding!

Capricorn and a ton of others groan and roll over in there beds.

"Oh my gog where did they even get a bell?" he steps out of bed, still in a now wrinkly suit he notices, only to fall over something smacking his nose on the floor.

"What the 'ell." hell to interpret his nasally voice as he covers his nose. His legs still drape over the source of his discomfort.

"Uh what. Eeeh!" Marcie tries to sit up only to fall back over clutching her head.

"Why are you in my room?" he asks her. He takes his hand off his nose and looks down. He screeches. He faints. But wakes up in time to hear Kat say:

"You locked us in when you were drunk." Kat of course, sitting hautilly on his bed, seems to be hangover free. Wait, woah, On his bed?

Capricorn of course does not notice this little tid-bit just yet. "Why were you in here in the first place?" Blood is dripping down- "Why are you on my bed?" he snaps.

_That's the last thing I need is a p-_

"I climbed up here when you fell off." She explains.

"I did not fall-and why were you in here?" Take into mind that no one has moved since he fell off the bed.

"Because you locked us in here-" Marcie tries.

"But-" Capricorn stutters.

"You were-" Marcie again.

"Oh! Right." Capricorn's little brain finally remembers what he did. "I was-"

"Yup. Yup." Marcie tosses him off forgetting her headache for a moment.

Capricorn nods to himself remembering how close he came to-

Marcie falls on the bed. "And now we shall sleep on something more comfortable."

_Two-_He's cut off in his thought by another thing-the blood trickling into his mouth from his nose.

"You two are maids you can't take the day off." he protests but to no avail.

"Watch us."

He gets up muttering something about _when I get back_ and _lazy b-_

_You cut off my thought. **Aaaah! **_

**Later:** An argument is heard from outside one of the voices is female the other male.

"Seems like Mortola is trying to take care of Capricorn." Kat comments

"Yup," Marcie agrees.

**Much Later, At Dark:** Kat and Marcie have lain abed all day in Capricorn's bed I might add. Just as the sun sets Capricorn sneaks in perfectly silent, but not so like a cat.

"Ah!" He screams at them and this time the slasher thing works.

**Final Note: _Author's voice _**_Capricorn's voice _

_**Oh gog that was pretty horrible huh? Now go tell me about it; I will laugh.**_


End file.
